Have you ever solved a problem and immediately thought "Why didn't I do this sooner?" I recently had this experience. After finally taking a simple action that resolved an issue I'd been wrestling with for months, my initial relief quickly turned into self-criticism. Instead of celebrating the solution, I found myself thinking: "How could you be so slow? Why did it take you this long to figure it out?"
This kind of self-talk is what Yemima teachings call "Omess" (burden) - those heavy, unhelpful thoughts, assumptions and beliefs that weigh us down instead of being constructive. Often, these thoughts stem from beliefs we've carried since childhood, like "I'm only worthy if I'm perfect" or "being slow means I'm lazy."
But here's the interesting part: it's not just about what we say to ourselves, but how we say it and what are the underlying assumptions behind our words. Picture two different scenarios.
Scenario 1: You ask yourself "Why did it take so long?" with a harsh, judgmental tone, like your harshest inner critic. That's Omess. It's when you're not just questioning the action, but questioning your worth as a person. "I must be lazy/stupid/incompetent for not seeing this sooner." In this state, you believe you need to constantly prove your worth to yourself and the world through your actions. Every mistake feels like evidence of your inadequacy, as if your self-worth rises and falls with each success or failure. Your self-love becomes conditional, dependent on external reality rather than recognizing your inherent, unchanging worth. What happens when we're in this state? Our brain goes into defense mode. It's like trying to think clearly while under attack - nearly impossible. We can't access our best problem-solving abilities when we're busy defending ourselves from our own harsh criticism.
Scenario 2: You ask yourself that same question "Why did it take so long?" but this time with genuine curiosity and gentleness, seeking to understand your own process. This question comes from a place of self-love and acceptance, knowing that your worth is solid and unchanging - completely separate from any action or inaction. You're here to learn and grow, and every experience, including delays or hesitations, is part of that journey. This kind of self-reflection can actually be helpful - it's learning-focused and opens the door to deeper understanding. In today's society, it's particularly challenging because we're constantly measured by our actions, achievements, and productivity. Yet, Yemima teachings remind us that our self-worth exists independently of our successes or failures. We have inherent worth simply because we exist.
It is clear that we want to be closer to Scenario 2 - that state of gentle curiosity and self-acceptance. But how do we move there without falling into the trap of criticizing ourselves for being critical? The path forward involves two essential mindset shifts:
Recognizing our inherent worth: Understanding that making mistakes doesn't make us bad people. We're good people who sometimes make less-than-ideal choices, and our worth is not externally determined.
Accepting our current reality: Yes, we have these critical thoughts. Yes, we took actions that we now see differently. But these patterns aren't our true essence - they're learned behaviors we can gradually change.
Real growth happens when we combine genuine self love and honest responsibility. It's understanding that at the time, we truly did the best we could with the knowledge and resources we had. And now, through learning and growth, we're expanding our capacity to handle similar situations differently in the future. And one of the sentences that I wrote down to strengthen myself was: "If today I took action that I did not take before, it means I have grown and expanded. And that's beautiful."
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